Upokatha

A warm sunny playful day turning into a warmer moment for the protagonist whose love for her partner finds its way through odds.  In the midst of a bunch of friends, she finds wonder in love.

Everyone Dies Grey



My life, with or without color is as impactful as it is with or without Gender. It is therefore very necessary for me to understand the existence and the power of intimacy, tenderness and healing. Otherwise World would be a difficult place to live in.

'Everyone Dies Grey- Queer Days through my lens' is a reflection of just that. The way I have chosen to live  irrespective of the absolute fluid human nature I deal with on a regular basis. 

If I owe anything to my soul, it is only my Body.

 

 

Their first few days of Solidarity                                                                                                                 

One fine morning ,Rohini wakes up to find her chest ballooned into a dream . Rohini has grown in a week , while she lay unconscious . She lifts her arms to feel them but realizes they are bound with entangled wires  from all directions. The saliva she tries to bring close to her lips refuse to come . When finally she decides to shout , everything falls in place.

All of them walked briskly like a nest of mice towards the ICU. As they opened the door of the cabin ,she finds Rohini sitting up , feeling herself . They are not big , just a little swollen. A feminine impression of her former androgynous chest.  Rohini’s mother sitting on a sofa beside her bed is dozing off unbeknown to her

daughters curiosity.  Sheela comes inside and stands beside Rohini , surprisingly amused while Rohini remains busy discovering her newly found possessions . As she touches her head affectionately , Rohini looks up.

“ how are you feeling love?” , she asks , with a little hesitation.

“ My chest pains ,” Rohini says promptly.

“Is there pain anywhere else?”

 "No."

Sheela looks at Rohini scrutinising her body . Her eyes are still swollen, portions of her scalp is blank, all the parts of the body that are not covered with the apron have at least one mark on them , even after six weeks.

Sheela has been in the police for five years. But each time she encounters someone like this, she feels an overwhelming sense of eerieness. Its not discomfort, neither is it shock. It’s a strange claustrophobic feeling of iniquity and perturbation.

Rohini’s mother Ranu wakes up and looks at Sheela with questions she knows will be unanswered. She has aged at least ten years in these few weeks. But perseverance has failed her fatigue . Sheela looks at her and nods. Ranu turns to Rohini and says, “I will be right back sweetheart.” Rohini closes her eyes.

“Mrs.Halder , Rohini will be able to go home in another week.”

“I know that Ma’am. They want to keep her for some more tests.”

“Did she say anything ?”

“I'm afraid to ask her anything about it.  She seems normal now.”

“She has to identify the man.”

“Right now , She need not say anything..”

“Its alright. Let her rest .She told me her pain is less.”

“She will have to face no pain hereon. No uterus , no ovary. All her complications apparently end.”

“Mrs.Halder , We know what you are going through. The only thing I can promise you is I will not let that bastard get away with it.”

Ranu folds her hand in front of Sheela and starts weeping. Sheela goes closer to her and embraces her . For the first time.

As dusk falls , Rohini looks cheerfully out of the window. She is at ease with her newly created bosom now. All the questions she had in her mind has managed to elope with the emergence of this new sensation her body is vibrating with. She has a lot more to achieve but realising the anomaly of her ambition , it feels like a war is won.

Along with the middle aged nurse, who sat down with her the entire afternoon and spoke to her relentlessly , comes in  Sheela .  Yellow  Carnations make her want to run out of the building and dance . As Sheela keeps them beside her, with her cherubic smile, that  was once the only inspiration of living for her , she says,“ So , I heard , you cried all afternoon.”

“A little. I was happy.”

“You can’t afford to be sad now.”

“I know.Why are you in uniform?”

“I’m on duty.”

Rohini smiles . This beautiful friend of hers always bears a flawless facade masking her vulnerability.

“Have you thought of a new name?”

“Its not new. I always knew I’m Rohini.”

Rohini  was sleeping blissfully when she was brought to the general ward from the ICU. She woke up to hear soft murmurs , a screechy sound of the annoying fan and the very familiar laughs of mynah. She thought she’s home. She slowly opened her eyes to see a huge hall with a few more people dressed like her. She didn’t see her mother anywhere. A tall young nurse was diligently walking while looking at her watch. Another pretty young nurse was feeding an old woman , who seemed uninterested. The greatness of the room did not involve only its size.

Beside her there was a strange looking woman , smiling endlessly with her eyes closed , never once removing her hands from her chest. Her arms and feet were a little more hairy than her mother’s although her nails were clean and glossy. She kept on sniffing the air endlessly, while smiling more.

 Rohini gazed at her with an unusual eagerness , a greedy curiosity . Is she having the same feeling as her? Without her realising it , she lifted her hands to touch her tiny swollen chest.

Rohini turned towards Rohini. They were absolutely unaware of the fact that while they giggled for eternity eyeing each other, a new world stood waiting for them outside.

My paper was smudged all this while.

          Pink blood fell all over it.
          
          As evening came, I asked my night to wait for sometime.
          
          The conch shells refused to play the note I wished for.
          
          My shadow waited and waited until it left for another soul.

          It was then, I made up my already powerless brain.

       

I decided to re-write my flag.